Pick up as you go

Getting married is something that men aren’t so hot about the way women are. Why? Because we’ve heard stories of what can happen in a marriage when all we want are the simplest things, right? But we are not alone. Stats show that women are more concerned about the prospective hardships to come in a marriage which includes being able to take care of the entire family, most especially when they are expecting a child.

The conditions are really hard for both men and women and finding an equation to balance both parties’ efforts are close to impossible. Marriage is something that should take you to the next level, not assure you that everything will be easy. Sooner or later a new addition to you and your wife’s lives will come and that’s your child, who will be needing your support as well as your wife’s. That can be a confusing and tough but truly a rewarding feeling, when accomplished well, but one should be in the lookout for possibilities and things that may hinder a healthy family relationship.

It becomes a delicate situation when your wife suddenly gives you a 180, becomes cold and distant when you need intimacy just like before. Or simply when you just want to be with them. I’ve gone through years of work with surprising stats on husbands that crave for their wives’ attention and most often get denied, that produces cheating as a result. Cheating is something that is caused by situations that couples are exposed to, although the reasons may be different from one another, majority of them had a lot to do with not being able to communicate with their spouses, the right way, not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t know what’s going on.

Men and women are built differently, and more often than not, wives put more effort into trying to understand the simple wiring we have when it really should be the other way around — they’re the complicated ones, anyway. When failure is present in this field, some bounce back easily because they know exactly what to do. But what about those who are completely alien to the concept? It stems out from just one day and then to the next and getting used to this kind of situation will carry over and snowball your relationship into a dark well. Minutes more into it and you’ll find yourself doing the unimaginable. Thing is we could’ve done something about this, pride set aside only if we had at least a clue on what to do. Here are only a few of what we should know about. Things we won’t ever be able to understand, but good enough to tell us what we might need to know as husbands.

Postpartum/Postnatal Depression - is a clinical depression that is associated with giving birth. This includes not being able to respond to normal needs and at times can be mistaken as just a disconnection between couples. The length of the depression may vary and it can wear you out. So before it does, seek help. Disinterest in the usual activities and excess in eating or the opposite are only some of the symptoms, as well as fear of hurting the baby, or simply fearing the baby alone. Be wary when the cycle continues for more than a week.

Physical Pain/Discomfort - Carrying a child in your womb for 9 months and being responsible for any of the things that may happen to the baby is a huge responsibility. We have work, yes, but if you can imagine the discomfort that women feel after giving birth (some even work and deny themselves rest) — and we can only go as far as a description because we aren’t women — then we shouldn’t argue with the fact that they handle a much harder task as it is not as mechanical to just nurture a child and at the same time ensure the safety of everyone around you as well as being concerned about their health. These are only a few things that our wives go through. Some may not even be able to take care of the home as expected, but these pains are definitely present, especially after childbirth.

How You Say It really counts. Instead of saying, “Can you get me something to eat?”, say “Let’s get something to eat”. It makes them feel like they’re part of the picture and not just a fixture in your home that will make you anything you want just because they can. The tone of the voice is a major part of this — you won’t believe the difference it makes to a woman when a man speaks to her “with respect” as they put it.

Initiate Time-out with your wives. It makes them happy spending time-out with you. A big 43% of women say that they don’t bother initiating vacations, getaways or simple dates with their husbands because they THINK their husbands can’t be bothered. While they try to think ahead of us, why not prove them wrong if we really want to spend time with them, anyway?

These are simple things, little things that my even change the way we think about our wives, but can produce great results. If something isn’t working right, that automatically directs you to a problem. This isn’t nipping the bud, its a simple guide for us to make sure we act the way we should.

We ARE built differently, and that is why I chose to write about this article today. The need for communication is very hard to bridge and I thought, why not share some of the things we deserve to know? After all, we’re not all too insensitive now, are we.

A client walked in after several months of discontinuing his session, only to deliver the news that he has been cheating on his wife with someone at work.

He blames the problem on his wife, not being able to satisfy his needs after 2 years of marriage. He asked for help. Sometimes even if I knew exactly what to do, I would wonder despite the job description. I often wondered why he asked for help when he knew what the problem was right then and there. I guess I had to make it totally obvious.

I had him bring a photo of his wife and child, and I had him carry it to work. Sometimes going beyond textbook helps… we’ll see if this one does. He also hasn’t worn his wedding band for quite sometime now. Hoping that will make him remember his marriage vows, I gave him the help he needed, probably what he wasn’t expecting — which was to justify the cheating because of a dying sex life.